As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
