Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
