..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
