How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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