We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
