girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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