Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
