i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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