2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
