that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
