..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
