the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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