I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she peed on how many people?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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