Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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