sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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