so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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