$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
