last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
