i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
