he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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