How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
