just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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