He had one of those small greek statue penises
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
