dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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