You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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