Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
