pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
