sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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