I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
