I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
