I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
