Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
