Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
