Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
