She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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