I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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