it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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