What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
