To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
false alarm, still single
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
