I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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