If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
