Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
