Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
