So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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