i think my mom watched the whole time
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
