My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
