so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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