Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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