Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
