the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
