Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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